Growth Stages‎ > ‎

Independence: Ages 16-20+

Overview
Attachment: Ages 0-3
Following: Ages 1-8
Accountability: Ages 7-12
Self-Discipline: Ages 11-18
Independence: Ages 16-20+
Leading: Ages 20+

Select Pyramid Side:
   Maturity Goals (Yellow)
   Love, Respect (Blue)
   Walk Beside (Red)
   Self-Govern (Green)
Maturity Goals: (Yellow Side of Pyramid)
Giving our child complete space to self-govern while respecting the person our child is becoming is our hope for this stage because as the brain’s adolescent adjustments slow, a new found confidence propels the adolescent toward independent adulthood.

Giving our teenager complete self-governing space sounds scary...but discipline should finish shifting to their shoulders during this stage. We want our children to experience a piece of that before they completely leave the nest. After years of progressing upward on the Present Parenting Pyramid, we hope our children are ready to test their wings while still living under our roof...so we can observe their beauty (or not) first hand before they take full flight.

During the Independence Stage, our children will practice being an adult. And so will we. The most wonderful and most difficult part about these years will be accepting and celebrating whomever our child is…the good and the bad (or the not yet good). And regardless of what we think, he/she will continue to be that person...because the brain is primed for being independent during these years.

Our ability to inspire them at this point will be strongly due to the time and effort we have already put in over the years to work our way up the pyramid...starting with attachment. No parent is perfect. We will struggle. And when we do, we will turn our Present Parenting mode on high because our teenagers deserve wise parents and we will apologize to our teenagers when our prefrontal cortex is malfunctioning due to expected, but unexpected shocking teenage moments.

Love & Respect: (Blue Side of Pyramid)
Practice Love and Respect at a time when my child needs less from me.

Walk Beside: (Red Side of Pyramid)
Discipline by letting our child BE.

We allow our child independence in setting goals and following through. We encourage our child to inform us of goals and outcomes out of love and respect. We give support when our child asks. We show love and confidence in whom our child has become. We do not manage consequences for our child and we support disciplinary action that other authority figures may need to enforce. We seek for ways to inspire our child by maintaining a loving connection with him. Monetary support from us is significantly reduced because our child is capable of increased self-reliance.

Teens who struggle dramatically during this stage are likely suffering from a teenage body that is “stuck” in a lower mental stage (ie attached to unhealthy habits, following inappropriate leaders, weary from forced accountability...essentially suffering from an underdeveloped prefrontal cortex and strong Natural Defense Immaturity behaviors that block progress).

Govern Yourself: (Green Side of Pyramid)
Enjoy providing for yourself by driving, dating, graduating, voting, and working to earn money with less support from parents.

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