Note the basic age ranges in each stage on the pyramid. In general, a child's brain must progress from the bottom of the Accountability Pyramid to the top in a natural process that takes many, many years. However, please keep in mind that the guidelines are not meant to be rigid--a child can actually move up and down again on the pyramid in a matter of minutes. Recognizing which mindset your child really needs in a given moment takes practice. Personal mindfulness will help you fine tune your brain's ability to discern. Until you feel experienced, don't stress too much about it. For starters, it's typically helpful to work on attachment and whichever stage fits your child's current age. Keep in mind that a wise parent will not rush or push a child up the pyramid, but will instead patiently accept the present moment and watch for windows of opportunity to progress in due time.

The stages on the Accountability Pyramid overlap in years because the human brain does not typically learn new long-term behaviors after one try. Children (and adults) dabble in and out of a new skill before internalizing it as part of their new character. When stages overlap, the previous stage dictates the majority of our disciplinary efforts. We want a very solid foundation in each stage before moving on. The upcoming stage certainly receives attention, too, but in a secondary kind of way.

Also note that stress naturally causes regression. The body recognizes stress and must find a way to “digest it” in order to return to a healthy, life-sustaining homeostasis. This usually results in crying (which can be very healthy, especially when done in the presence of an attuned caregiver), hyperactivity, anxiety, anger, or perhaps a specific coping behavior. It’s important to accept regression as normal and okay and feel comfortable nurturing a child in a lower stage temporarily due to stress. At the same time, it's important to feel confident that greater maturity is possible and still on the horizon.